miCkeY mIcKey.....

2007-09-10T19:33:00.000+08:00

1935hr

somewhere?*

no worries.
no thoughts.
no saddness.
no everything.
JUST HAPPINESS! :)

01092007 0945hr

2007-09-01T09:44:00.000+08:00

Saturday, 01092007 0945hr

sianx sianx sianx..
im having sore throat now.
dont know what happened.
dont know is caught virus from patients.
or.. the bbq yesterday?

30082007 1630hr

2007-08-30T16:23:00.000+08:00

Thursday, 30082007 1630hr

is thursday!
quite fast.
one week is going to end soon.
and.
i think im starting to miss A&E already. =X
though i still got 6days with them.
maybe.
im starting to like A&E?
but i sure cannot work there
with my super slow brain.
haas.

ohyah.
i learnt something.
life is precious.
so.
please treasure your life and the people around you:)
you will never know what will happen the next second..
~~~~

im super super tired!
my legs breaking soon.
stand and stand and stand.
for like 9hours?
haix.
~~~~

hmm.
weird.
why ask me to check
when im not even there?
how am i going to know is there any mistakes? -_-

and.
life is good for me now.
so dun worry people.
there wont be any problems if i dont meet anyone =)
what does it mean?
is it good or bad?
i really dont know.
dont want to know also.
and. im too tired to care about all these things.
no time too. with my attachment.
nobody understands anyway.

hmm.
i know i complain a lot about attachment.
but.
sometimes.
i rather i have attachment.
seriously.
at least i will be busy,
and get distracted.
then, i will not think about other things.
~~~~

28082007 2320hr

2007-08-28T23:16:00.000+08:00

Tuesday, 28082007 2320hr
2nd day in A&E.
it was quite fun today.
except the fact that there are not many cases during my shift.
so is quite boring also.
was in the resus room today.
and. i think the nurses working there are super COOL.
really.
the way they work and walk.
haha..
super fast!
and they look so cool lar!
like what we saw on tv.
okay lar.
i know working in A&E of course must be fast.
but. i know i sure cannot.
haha.
saw cases that you will see on tv, but you may think that you wont see in real life.
eye-opening~
good experience.
i will be in the same place tmr :)
and. hope i wont do any wrong things. =x

the rain was super heavy in the afternoon.
was stucked at the busstop.
lucky i saw my friend.
and she got umbrella.
so i walked in with her.
the umbrella was quite small for both of us.
so we were both super wet.... =x

im mentally tired.
went to work with a BAD mood.
and it was raining so heavily lar.
no umbrella.
stucked at the busstop.
looking at the long bridge.
thinking of the unhappy things.
feeling so helpless.
feel like crying at that moment~
but i did not.
cos i cant.
how can i cry when im going to work.?
~~~~~

28082007 1110hr

2007-08-28T11:04:00.000+08:00

Tuesday, 28082007 1110hr

i cried again.
after so long.
actually why am i so stupid?
crying over the same thing again and again.

went back to school after i came back from work.
for freshies show.
wanted to stay overnight..
but.....................
reached school and not many people since to care about my existence.
especially my comms.
okay. nvm.
so. i kept quiet througout.
then, went out to buy things with wenya, jiasin, bob and forbes.
came back.
and what did i saw?
my comms, peijun, eric, szechuan and jiamin are all having DEBRIEF!
without me..
nobody inform me.
and that's when.
i cant control my tears.
and.
i decided to go home.
no use staying there also.
can you imagine them still talking when i walked pass them?
and only jiamin asked me to go over?
and she is not part of the camp comms.

im just so tired.
people may think is a small matter.
and. i may be thinking too much.
but to me is not!
if you were to be in my shoes,
what will you think?

this make me think of what he told me that day.
why they only remember her and not me.
because she is still inside the ex-co,
that's why she need more guidance.
i think.
this is just an excuse to cover what you all had done.
i dont see what guidance when i was still inside the ex-co?
just admit that you all are just BIAS lar.....

pj.
sorry.
i think im just being too irresponsibe.
you are not feeling well.
and still need to take care of them.
and here, im crying and angry over SMALL matters.
take care alrights?

maybe im just a nobody to some people.

27082007 1835hr

2007-08-27T18:31:00.000+08:00

Monday, 27082007 1835hr

just came home from work!
wonders why so late?
haha..
cos me and bei OT..
help them do dressing.
cos they super busy..
is MONDAY.
and hospital is always busy on MONDAY.
then stayed a while more to observe one procedure.

how is A&E?
is super messy can?
is not like those you saw in tv.
haha..
patients here. patients there.
patient collapsing.
patient vomiting.
patient bleeding.
and many many more.
can say quite tiring.
and im super blur when i first go in.
after that. it was quite okay.
A&E is divided into different parts.
and. i will be in another part tmr.
and and. no more bei!
we are in different shift.
sianx sianx sianx.

my new pet:)
from bei!

mickey pen..
from bei too :)
both are from hongkong.
haas.

27082007 0000hr

2007-08-26T23:55:00.000+08:00

Monday, 27082007 0000hr

just came back from school.
the rest are still in school.
preparing for the camp tomorrow.

who you wanted to send the sms to actually?
who are you talking about in the sms?
how i wished i can know.
are you talking about me?
hmmm.
so qiao.
was talking about what if A wanted to sms B, and he was talking about C,
and instead of sending the sms to B, he accidentely sent the msg to C.
and now.
it really happened. -_-
no use thinking so much anyway.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JASMINE! :)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY HUILIN! :)

26082007 1445hr

2007-08-26T14:40:00.001+08:00

Sunday, 26082007 1500hr

Today is Sunday!
Tomorrow is MONDAY!
Attachment!
First posting will be A&E.
for 2weeks.
then. OT. another 2weeks.
after that will be back to wards.
A&E.
sounds scary to me.
and NUH A&E quite busy.
cham.
dont know how will it be like working there.
haha.

FRESHIES SHOW tomorrow too!
hope everything will go smoothly!
and i know my comms can do it de!
JIAYOU everyone.
i will not be there throughout.
cos of my attachment.
will go down after my attachment. :)

after that.
need to do 'reflection'.
though i dont know why you said those things to me.
and i have got nothing to say.
and.
i think if i have a choice.
maybe i will not be one anymore. :)
but i have got something to say here.
if you were to be a girl,
then you will know why girls are always more emo than guys.
and why we always let emotions control and affect us.
hmm.. i believe that this is what that make us unique. =)
our characters dont match? and shouldnt be working together?
im not good enough to be one?
im still not up to standard to be one?
so this is what you think...?
fine then..
i think i wont be one anymore. (:
i may not have the time anyway.
or.. maybe i dont even have a chance?
anyway.
thanks for your feedback...!

*oh. anyway. new blogskin.

25082007 2340hr

2007-08-25T23:38:00.000+08:00

Saturday, 25082007 2340hr

again again again and again~~~
why why?
you msg me last few days asking me whether can meet on sat (today)...
then i said cannot. cos i meeting my friend already.
then you said: pls try to come k? cos i miss you!
then i said okay. i will try.
then....
ytd. u msg me again..
to confirm whether can i meet or not.
then i said i will try..
and you said pls come.. i miss you! again....
so.. i asked you to tell me where you all going today.
and i will try to meet you all...
BUT....
did you call or even sms me?
NO~
empty promise again.
im tired of all these.....
PLEASE STOP ALL THESE!
since you all can enjoy without me..
why still ask me in the first place?
and then forget about me.....
haix....
DO YOU ALL KNOW IT HURTS ME??????
whatever lar~

control control control~
must control my emotions!

anyway..... the friend i went out with is WORM~
hahaha.
thanks for the dinner!!!!!!!!
no no.. thanks your parents for the dinner!! :)
saw someone again~
recently we can see her everywhere.
in sch.. now even outside. during dinner...
LOL. so qiao~

25082007 0100hr

2007-08-25T01:00:00.000+08:00

dontknow why.
jus dont feel right.
but i dontknow how to describe.

i feel sad
seeing people around me feeling sad.
and i cant help them.
haix.

21082007 0015hr

2007-08-21T00:13:00.000+08:00

im missing school life already.
thinking about the past.
good memories.
bad memories.

*deleted the rest*
hahahaha...
so that you all wont think that i think too much :)

20082007 2200hr

2007-08-20T21:47:00.000+08:00

been thinking a lot at home.
and.
i think is better for me to be alone. =x
as in when im alone.
there wont be any problems.
seriously i feel much better these few days :)
and yah.
so. the biggest problem is me.
go out, meet friends = PROBLEMS = SAD
though i dontknow why.
you may think that is because im thinking too much.
but sometimes. to me. is NOT.
hmm. again.
is me. (:

but..
SOMETHING still bothers me a lot.
and i really dontknow when is it going to end.
we may look fine to others.
but. i know we got serious problem.
and we are all trying to run away from this.
and. i really dontknow how.
i want to give up..
and. dont care about anything.
but i just cant do it.
why why why?
maybe. ....
i still treat you as my friend?
~~

and..
thanks everyone for those sms-es and words :)
hee.

20082007 1520hr

2007-08-20T15:18:00.000+08:00

is MONDAY~
one more week to attachment!
was slacking since Saturday. =x
and.
i start mapling again.
hahahaha.

others are still having exams..
all the best! :)
Jiayou everyone!
it will be over very soon!
just like mine. =)

18082007 2325hr

2007-08-18T23:24:00.000+08:00

told her that i wont be able to watch secret with her on tue.
then. she asked me whether wed can or not.
i said. i wont be free le.
guess what's her reply?
"den it's okay."
i said sorry to her.
and she didnt reply.
so now what?
is my fault????
haix.
guess i made the right decision of not going with you.

from bei :)

18082007 1840hr

2007-08-18T18:37:00.000+08:00

over over over!
IS OVER!
no more exams for me.
no more school for me.

today's paper was actually quite okay.
thinking that i never really study.
but...
same.
got this question which need us to choose one type of nursing delivery systems.
my answer was different with most of my friends.
cham..
here goes my 20marks~
but. i hope there is no right or wrong answer lor.
cos. seriously. i think both answer also can lehz. =x
no use thinking.
is over.

suddenly. I have this thinking.
there is nothing i can be proud of. about myself.
really nothing.
im good at nothing.
okay. im not looking down on myself.
but is true.
~

17082007 1730hr

2007-08-17T17:24:00.000+08:00

yeah~
one paper DOWN!
TMR will be the day!
last paper!!!

today's paper.
when i first saw my paper.
i really feel like crying.
but. i think should be alright?
HOPE~ prayhard.
just hope that i got the diagnosis correctly.
if not here goes my 25marks.
i asked a few people.
and we had the same diagnosis.
so. just think of the bright side bahx. :)

cham cham cham...
i vomited again.
me and my weak tummy.
NAUSEA.
can you imagine doing your paper and you feel like vomiting?
i had this feeling just now during my paper.
and the room is super cold.
my lips super dry.
but i cant drink water.
cos. if not the feeling of vomiting will be worst.
haix.

16082007 2230hr

2007-08-16T22:31:00.000+08:00

tomorrow is the day!!
my first paper!
faster faster!!
Saturday, 18/8, 11am.....
FASTER OVER!! =x
then, i will be free from exams!

will it be better if im not even here, in this world?
no problems!
no worries!
no sadness!
no tears!
no everything!

seeing others so sad and helpless.
and i cannot help them.
make me more sad. -_-
people are always helping me.
but. i cant help them.
why?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

im being contolled by my emotions.

15082007 2235hr

2007-08-15T22:34:00.000+08:00

went lib to study again.
first time in my poly life
im so hardworking. =x
haha.
okay lar.
dont really know whether am i studying or not.
or am i just day-dreaming?
haha.

study study study~
jiayou jiayou!
3 more days!!
and i will be free from exams!!! =x
everyone jiayou!! :)
worm jiayou!

you sms-ed me today.
asked me to go watch secret with you.
actually. in my mind.
i knew that you asked me cos nobody is going with you.
if not. will you think of me?
i never promise you that i will be free.
at that point of time.
i dont feel like going.
i dont know how and i wont reject people too. =(
and....
IM RIGHT!~
saw your blog.
cos most of your friends had already watched this show, even your cousin.
and here is when you thought of me.
i dontknow should i be happy or not.
happy as in you will still think of me when there is no one to go to.
not happy as in you only think of me when there is no one to go to.

haix. why is it there must be something everyday which bring me down?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY YONGHAO:)

14082007 1900hr

2007-08-14T18:54:00.000+08:00

at least im better today.
i think?
though i still feel like crying. =x
and. i still dont have the mood to study.
how?
papers on fri and sat.
and i got a lot to memorise.
~

this morning.
i reached school lib at about 10.
was studying alone.
haha.
first time in my life.
im studying alone. =x
hahaha..
but...
i got no mood to study.
so. after i studied for about 1hour plus.
i decided to go my aunty's house. =x
yah.. so im now at her house :)
one thing at her house is..
i cannot ONLINE at night!!
because the com is in my aunty and uncle's room. =x
then cannot disturb them right?
haas.

to jasmine:
girl! thankyou for your words!
im very touched :)
really.
haha.
i'm here for you if you need me too!
i will listen! =)
*promise*

to worm:
worm!!
JIayou!
thanks for everything!
you dont emo too!
though i know is difficult! :)
but...
anything. im here for you!

and...
to everyone:
thanks for encouraging me!
thanks for being there for me!
im fine!
so dun worry! :)
haha. same.
if you all need anyone to talk to.
can find me! =)
i may not be able to help.
but i can listen!
im here for you to vent your anger,
to share your saddness,
to share your happiness,
and everything! =)
hee...

13082007 2310hr

2007-08-13T23:04:00.000+08:00

ruifang just dont feel good!~
not in the mood~
crying spells is still there.

okay. whatever you will think about me after you read my post.
whether....
im a bad person,
im selfish,
im over-sensitive, or
i think too much.
im still going to say. =x

why some people can just forget about my existence even when im around?
you dont know? or im just incapable in your eyes?
is not the first time already.
and whenever i see you.
i will remember that incident.
"ruifang. you sure you want to choose this? you cannot be blur lehz!"
then, you told this to her.
"choose another person, this thing must find someone who is fast and can think."
why cant you just tell me???
im in front of you!!!!!!
said until like im very slow and stupid.

today meeting.
why you can just say a few words, and everyone will listen to you even though i can see on their faces that there are some disagreement?
why must you change everything when they have almost finish planning?
why is it when you said that anyone can disagree to your point, but, you will keep giving reasons until they agree to use your idea?
and. you should know this is the reason why nobody dares to disagree.
we are both advisors.
but why you only talk to her. and everything you only include her and not me?
im not jealous.
just stating a fact.
you really dont know im one of the advisors or what?
is like you are there with us since the first meeting lar.
haix.
is like since the first meeting.
you already never include me already lar.
i really dont know what to say. REALLY.
and.
i know whatever you said is for their own good. you are helping us.
and seriously im very grateful that you came specially to talk to them.
but.
to tell you the truth,
i admit that i hate the fact that you are there.
cos i know this will happen.
my crying spells.
i know im selfish.
but.
im good enough to keep quiet throughout the meeting already.
and i still talk to you as normal after that.
but..
in my mind.
im very confused.
you hurt my feelings.
and here am i still talking to you.
and laughing with you.
why?

why the way you treat me is like totally different from others?
cos you think im stupid and incapable?
fine. if you think so.
i have got nothing to say.

i just cant stop myself from thinking.
and i think im really very stupid.
stupid enough to cry over this thing.

13082007 0000hr

2007-08-12T23:47:00.000+08:00

and ruifang break down again.
im crying.
i just dontknow what happened to me.
suddenly i thought of her again.
and im lost.
very sad.
thinking the way she is now.
make me worry.
but on another side of my mind.
i dun feel like caring her at all.
has it becomes my fault now?
why am i feeling guilty?
i really dontknow what to do.
i dontwant all these to happen.
but you started it first.
and now im like the bad guy.
making you feel isolated and depressed.
what you want me to do??

okay. and they did went for dinner after NAPFA.
someone still can ask me why i never go.
haix.
of cos i want to go. but did anyone of you tell me where you all going?
before i went home. i still asked them to contact me.
but on ones did it.
told this person about it.
and is like nothing to her at all.
she dont even cares.
and this make me more sad. -_-
more tears~

i dontwant to cry.
i dontwant to think so much.
i want to be happy.
but i cant do it.

ruifang....
please stop all your thinking!
and start studying!!!!!

tears.....
please stop flowing!

12082007 2220hr

2007-08-12T22:18:00.000+08:00

finish writing my notes~
finally:)
but. i got no mood to study at all.

im SUPER ANGRY now!!!
disappointed too.........
why why why why why?
WHY??
why are they like that?
we are a team.
but we dont look like one.
some people are left out by a group of people.
they dont know a single thing about the updates though they are in the same team.
this group people are jus so........
yes. they are doing their tasks.
but did they treat us part of their team???
they are jus enjoying themselves.
keep changing ideas.
and we dont know a single thing..
LISTEN..... if you all continue doing this..
what is the use of having so many comms?
and what is the use of having the meeting?
what is the use of us attending the meeting?
PLEASE LAR!!!!!
im really sick and tired of this!!!!!!!!!
give you all dates to submit your updates and is stated so clearly in the minutes to send to the heads, advisors and mentors. BUT DID YOU??
finance is the most impt dept for the camp...
and did you all update her??? NO!!!!!!!!!!
so how is she going to do the budget???
i really dont know what you all thinking..
sometimes. im thinking.. is it wrong to help you all with so many things?
as in... you all dont appreciate at all.
tending the booth is not very difficult right???
why must you all give so many excuses?
as if we are so free....
HEY.. im year3 lor....
who is busier????
is like so funny that the comms dont even know how much we collected in total.
and still must ask the advisors.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
im very very disappointed with you all...
if we never tell you all. then is our fault..
but we did remind you all like since the first meeting???
UPDATE US!!!!!!!!
if not what is the use of advisors and mentors????
okay.. fine that you all never update us..
but why must you all include someone who are not supposed to be inside actually?
even the most impt thing is sent by him...
so now what?
he is your ADVISOR????
ok...... FINE........
then any questions.... DONT look for us lar..
just go and ask him....!~

aarrrrrrrgggggggggggggg!!!!
im super super super super angry now lar......
sorry if i offended anyone......
im venting my anger!!!

11082007 1345hr

2007-08-11T13:43:00.000+08:00

yeah~
think i can go YEP le!
cos...
my leave is on the last 2 weeks of December (:
so... if the dates for YEP remain unchanged,
i will be able to go.

random. (:
there are many types of people in this world.
quiet, noisy, nice, bad, emo, happy-go-lucky......
people who rather keeps quiet, and let ppl bully, than to confront them.
people who loves to attract attention.
people who loves to comment.
people who loves to talk bad about people.
people who cares about others.
people who feels for others.
people who are fake.
people who loves to make use of others.
people who loves to break their promises.
people who keeps quiet and keeps their problems to themselves.
and many many more..
so...
you belong to which type?
all these people are part of my life before.
and..
i really dontknow why some people jus love to AA..
as in... did u ever think of how others feel about you if you continue doing this?
when nobody is asking you.... you jus love to bring the topic out again.
some people like to comment a lot.
as in.. sometimes, you dont even know what happened. so are you fit to even comment about it?
and those people who are fake....
in front of people, you are super nice.....
then, behind of them, you are talking bad about them..
and and.. please dont give promises when you should know that you wont do it. (:
hmmm...
what is friendship actually?
im losing faith in my friendship.
cos of.....
all those things that had happened.

okay.
i know there are still a lot of people around me who cares about me.
and they have ask me not to care about them.
and.. seriously.
i really dont have to care about those people out there.
but...
is really very difficult to put down all these unhappy things.
if you are in my shoes, you will know why..
cos is really very very SAD...
and im DISAPPOINTED.
cos it happens again and again..
non-stop.

hmm.. does drinking really help to make all the pains away?
yes... even if it does help to numb the pain.
but is only at that point of time when you are drinking..
is not like after you drink, you will forget all the unhappy things forever.. right?
after you wake up... you will feel sad again. then, you will drink again. and the cycle will just repeat and repeat. so is there really a use to drink?
some more, it will cause more harm to your health.... causing more pain.
hmmm.
to forget..... only you can help yourself..
dont always think at the bad side..... think of the happy moments?
forgive and forget is the best....
yes.. i know is difficult.. cos i cant do it either.
but drinking is definitly not a better choice!!! (:

Pictures of NDP2007(:

heehee.. =x

group photo(:

what are we doing?

forbes, emily, fang, jun, wend and mel.

why suddenly so many people behind us??

ah bu, worm and bookworm! =)

okay.. enough of my thoughts... (:

11082007 0200hr

2007-08-11T01:43:00.000+08:00

is 2am~
and. i havent sleep. =x
cant sleep.

"ruifang, i forgot to ask you ytd. We going dinner ltr. you want to go?"
i said i got something on. see how later.
then. they got napfa.
so i asked them to contact me.
actually im tending the booth.
but i went home after a while.
cos im super tired. headache.
sorry ppl! you all came to acc me.
end up. i went home. and you all must help me tend.
went home. and. sleep.
i slept till about 7plus.
checked my phone.
no calls or msgs.
so......?
means nobody contact me lor.
actually i knew this will happen.
people always forget about my existence.
but. what can i do?
dont ask why i neva call them..
hmm. is there a need?
i really dontknow.
and. i dont feel like asking them myself actually.

anyway.
gotten my PDA.. (:
hope i wont lose it. =x
cos still need to return school..
haha.

i dontwant to be sad.
but can i?
so many things happened.
cried dontknow how many times this week already. =x

thanks to those people who had listened to me.
and talked to me.
and of cos those who make me laugh (:
thanks thanks!
you all make my day =)
though i know i had said this many times. =x

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEI!! (:

10082007 0045hr

2007-08-10T00:42:00.000+08:00

NDP is OVER!
dontknow why i dont have any NDP mood.
is like today is National Day?? =x
is more of like normal rehearsals to me.
haha..

totally no mood today.
and i knew this will happen.
is like a routine.
i din even want to go NDP today actually.
waste my tears. =x
but. i just cant control my tears.

booth...
how how how?
nobody cares.
so am i suppose to tend the booth alone tmr?
where are the rest??????????

my mood now is........
hard to explain.
cos i also dontknow.

09082007 1000hr

2007-08-09T09:54:00.000+08:00

NDP today!
will i be high?
i dontknow...

im very confused.
i want NDP. so that i can have fun one more day before exams.
on the other side of my mind.
i rather no NDP.
then i will have no problem.
everytime NDP.
i sure moodless de.
then no appetite.
then tummy pain.
i think maybe is psychology problems.

haix..
i think im tired to care about them le.
booth. nobody take initiative to even tend.
small like that. big also like that.
where is all my COMMS?
they need to study..
we dont have to mehz?
they got exams.
we dont have mehz?
updates. nobody even cares to send us.
and how many times have we tell them to send us already?
since all of you are like that.
then what can i do?
we cannot force people also.
and. im always the stupid one who will take responsibility when actually i dont have to.
like tending the booth.
is it actually my job for now?

exams coming.
okay.
i shall not complain much.
since i only have 2papers.
which is next fri and sat..
and here comes my 6months attachment~
GOOD LUCK everyone!
JIayou~!

ruifang....
cheerup!!!
jiayou!!
you can de~!
dont think too much!!

and Jolene..
haha..
sorry for not doing the quiz. =x
i will do it after my exams k?
hee. (:

Happy Birthday Singapore!
Happy Birthday Ethan!

06082007 0045hr

2007-08-06T00:42:00.000+08:00

i must learn to protect myself.
i must not let anyone to hurt me anymore.
i must overcome everything.
i must be strong!

but... can i?
okay.
i will TRY.
is hard to me.

05082007 1110hr

2007-08-05T10:20:00.000+08:00

tomorrow is the collection of money for FS!~
but..
there seems to be problem here and there.
at least to us. and not to them.
but what can we do?
tried to communicate with them.
but.............

sometimes.
people just dont understand.
they asked us why we like so stress.
think so much.....
then when we tell them the problems...
it becomes our fault......

i know communication is important.
and not that we dont want to communicate.
is who can we communicate to actually?
do u think is so easy?
you should know VERY WELL.
actually is not as easy as what u think.
not just sitting down and talk will solve the problem.
to me.....
is who is the person we are talking to that matters.
actually i think the problem lies on me.
i just cannot communicate with those people.
[if you know who. then good. if dont know..... then is okay:)]
and...
u imagine asking you to talk with the people u are not comfortable with.
are you willing to?
or.....
will you be happy in any way?

actually i think my comms are all very strong.
as in..
all of them will do their parts.
and on time.
which is very good.
but...
they just cannot take suggestions.
everything is theirs say.
hmm.. is this good or bad?
i dontknow.

and.
why am i feeling that we got no stand at all with them around?
yes.
they are helping us.
but...
we are the one who are suppose to be talking to e comms.
am i right in saying that?
in your mind.
you all already have the ideas and all those.
and. is like it becomes not their ideas anymore.
is like brain-washing to me.......... =x
so now. who is the organiser???
they want this..... you all want that....
and end up they used your ideas.

haix..... i have got too much to complain already.....
and again.
like what some people think lar.
i NEVER communicate!
that's y.......
so is my fault.

please dont talk to me like that........
like what i said in the previous post......
one moment you are talking nicely to me...
another moment you are like so rude to me...
talk loudly to me.... in a irritated tone.
whatever.......
okay.
i know im also like that to some people recently....
and seriously.
im SORRY!
i dont did it purposely.
i think maybe im not very myself recently...
mood swing~
cos of this and that....
many many problems.....

these are my thoughts~
actually still a lot....
and u will know why am i so tired.
cos...
there are too much in my mind already.
i know no use thinking.
but again.
this is ME!
im use to thinking too much..... :)
sometimes.
i really want to pour out EVERYTHING to someone.
but.
is there a use?
hmm. as in.
will they understand?
cos their views are different from mine.
because. sometimes.
my problems....
are linked to their friends....
so whenever i tell them.
it will become.....
as if is my fault? hmm...
so sometimes.
i rather keep quiet.
and not talking to anyone.
and.
keep all the problems to myself.
than to make the problem worse.
actually.
whatever i say...
is like my fault....
so why u all still ask me am i okay??
tell u something.
and u will say im thinking too much.
maybe this.....
maybe that....
okay.. maybe this is the way to console people?
i dontknow.

simply too tired to talk to anyone.
..............................................................................................

05082007 0000hr

2007-08-04T23:57:00.000+08:00

YEP~
changed to Dec.
Cambodia.
maybe i can go?
cos i got two weeks holiday..
jus that i dont know my holiday is during the first week or the second week.
hope is the second week.
cos for now the trip is set on the 16dec to 26dec.

why am i like that this few days......
i just dont feel like talking.
dont feel like eating.
super attitude!
wake up RUIFANG~

04082007 0000hr

2007-08-03T23:52:00.000+08:00

OVER!~
is finally over~
no more presentation!!!
should feel relief.
but i dont know why.....
i still cannot set down my mind.

instead...
more and more things inside my mind..
im thinking a lot.
no mood to eat and everything~

why are everyone the same??
will talk or look for you only when he/she has nobody to go to...
when he/she is avoiding another person.....
like what lar....
what and who am i to you all??
close then very close....
if not. act dont know each other......
then complain and complain....
whatever lar.......
haix......
okay. i know i had said this before.
but i jus cant stand all these people lar.
so...... yah lor.

why people like to forget about me so much??
they dont like me or am i really that bad to talk to?
haix....
why must you all keep making me feel sad??
my tap have been flowing for this whole week?
hmmm.........

aaaaarrrrrrrggggggggggggggggg~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
IM NOT GOOD~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!! SUPER NOT GOOD LAR~~~~~~!!!!!
jus feel like CRYING OUT!

02082007 2300hr

2007-08-02T22:57:00.000+08:00

im feeling so moody again~
how how how?
sometimes i really dont like my life.
jus hate it.
you know whow bad is it to see other people with a happy clique?
and here you are alone?
jumping around clique....
my poly life is ending soon~
and is it how is going to end?

02082007 0955hr

2007-08-02T09:53:00.001+08:00

yeah yeah yeah~
finally my practical is over!!!!! (:
so relief...
defib came out for our class.
and our tester is miss sara.
is okay? i hope so..
at least i passed lar..
lucky what i wished for came out.
though is not the one i most wanted.

Clinical Trial presentation - 1 Aug [DONE]
NSL Practical Test - 2 Aug [DONE]
FYP report due - 3 Aug
FYP presentation - 3 Aug
WPD presentation - 3 Aug
Clinical Trial report due - 8 Aug

actually after my FYP, i can be more relaxed le...
so i jus hope tmr faster come~
but. before that. hope our group can rush out the report and the presentation(:
jiayou jiayou~

and...
i want to thanks to those people who had wished me good luck for my pract(:
thankyou thankyou~~~ =)

02082007 0115hr

2007-08-02T01:14:00.000+08:00

is 1am.
and im still awake.
im so so so tired~
but. im still trying to study for my pract.
seriously i dont understand a single thing for IA line~ =x
PLease dun come out!!!!!!

my tap was flowing just now again in school~
RUIFANG!
stop letting the tap to flow!
i dont know lar!
jus feel left out~
everyone was gone~
leaving me alone again.
some still dare to help me take care their bags.
but there are still a few who at least ask me to follow along.
but. i didnt. cos my tears was coming out.
........................................

01082007 2250hr

2007-08-01T22:47:00.000+08:00

yeah for FIONA~
she got 3rd(:
haha..
i think we are the noisest fans in HS? =x
everyone was so high!
well done Fiona~
u sang well! =)

Pract Pract Pract~
im super scare can?
PD please come out tmr!!
and. i hope is a nice tester(:
tmr faster come!
and.
this week faster OVER~!!!!

01082007 0055hr

2007-08-01T00:52:00.000+08:00

is August!!
so fast~
this week faster over~ PLEASE!
practical this thur.. which is like tmr??
i haven even study~
everyone please pray for me~
pray that my practical will be okay.....
what i dont wish to be tested wont come out..
i want Peritoneal Dialysis or defibrillation. (:
PLEASE PLEASE!
cos the rest i never really practise on it.

jus FYP alone can kill me already~
FRIDAY due~
and we haven finish..
but all of us are still trying very hard to write our report.
jiayou everyone!

and and.
TODAY(01/08) is NURSES' DAY!
so...... im going to wish all nurses and my friends a HAPPY NURSES DAY!
we are having a nurses' day celebration cum HS Idol.....
anyway.
fiona singing for HS Idol~
jiayou fiona!!
our superstar~ (:
dun stress le!!

super moody recently.
everyone asking me what happened.
but i really dont know how to explain to them.
hard to explain.
sometimes im thinking.
am i too good or am i too stupid?
why am i always listening to people's orders?
doing what they asked me to do.
but. do i have a choice?
this is me..
and im like that. =x
and i can be so stupid that i will really do anything for people even if im tired and i got other things to do.
walking from one end of school to the other because my friend ask me to, she needs my notes.
staying back in school to help do things, when actually i dun need to.
go all the way to school just to help my friends get attendance even though i dun even feel like going, cos they are not going.
go all the way to school just to accompany my friend.
basically i will do everything.
hahahaha.
now i think of that.
i think im quite stupid. =x
but. im stupid because im good also right?
if not i wont even care? i think.

anyway.... thanks everyone for your words(:
i really appreciate all of you.
you all know who you are lar.
hahaha. =)
and i hope everyone will cheer up! (:

30072007 2340hr

2007-07-30T23:36:00.000+08:00

some people are just so fake.
and i dont understand why.
you all just love to talk behind people's back.
when you all should even know better than me that you all shouldnt do that.
and. you all can just walk passed me just like that when im saying bye to you all.
and is like. is not the first time you all treat me as 'invisible'?
from the start. since after i....?
D&D too.
and now.........
and it really hurts me lar!
how will you feel when someone did this to you?????
you all are just too selfish and childish. =x
need help then look for that person.
the problem solves already, you all will just ignore the person who had helped you.
and act nothing happen.
WHATEVER LOR~
in front of some people you all act like angels.
then in front of me. you all treat me as?????
haix.

one presentation down today.
nursing management role play - 30 July (DONE)
Clinical Trial presentation - 1 Aug
NSL Practical Test - 2 Aug
FYP report due - 3 Aug
FYP presentation - 3 Aug
WPD presentation - 3 Aug
Clinical Trial report due - 8 Aug
and. so many to go~

im tired tired tired!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
of EVERYTHING~

29072007 0020hr

2007-07-29T00:19:00.000+08:00

am i okay?
i dont know~
how am i feeling now?
i dont know~

im so so tired today.
no mood at all.
no motivation to motivate the people either.
cos they are not high at all. =x

firework was nice(:
but.
i didnt really enjoy also.
dont know why.
maybe im just too tired.

27072007 2330hr

2007-07-27T23:31:00.000+08:00

today school was so boring~
practical in the morning.
she still in her mood swing~
so. yahLor.
lecture.
so many people never come lar.
then tutorial.
all of them never come.
and so im alone AGAIN.
super boring can?
some more is presentation.

actually im quite disappointed lar.
monday.
my stomach super pain.
but i still pull myself up to school.
cos our group was suppose to present.
then.
when im reaching school.
my friend msg me: ask her whether can postpone our presentation to next week or not. cos wendy still not feeling well.
then i was like..... hmmmm.
why didnt they tell me earlier???
then no choice lar. i still go for the tutorial. since im already reaching.
then when i go in the tutorial room.
only i realised that. my whole project group did not even come to school lar..
im so angry can?

yah.. these people is the clique that im talking about in the previous post.
im not blaming them or anything.
but this is not the first time.
they will never tell me that they are not going to school.
they will only tell me when they scare nobody accompany fiona (also in the clique, but different grp and tutorial grp).
-_-
ask me to accompany her~~
nvm. i already get use to it.
anyway. me and fiona quite okay lar.
and. fiona knows about my situation also.
cos i told her. and she understands(:
cos she can see also...

lalalalalalalala~

tmr NDP again~
i dun feel like going!
rain PLEASE! =x
i dont want to go because of some reasons.
and i dont wish to face it.
tired of it~

IM TIRED!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FORBES!

26072007 2120hr

2007-07-26T21:19:00.000+08:00

endure endure endure~
PRESERVE on RUIFANG!

after next week.
no more practical test le!!

26072007 1830hr

2007-07-26T18:26:00.000+08:00

im speechless.
just think that im stupid.

jus now.
she asked me to show her one of the skills.
i was so stunned.
cos i really cannot remember anything.
okay. nvm. i showed her.
then i stopped here and there.
trying to remember what is the next step.
and.
she suddenly asked me to stop.
"GO HOME AND STUDY! AND SHOW ME ALL THE SKILLS TOMORROW!"
i was so shocked.
and. here come my tears again.
everyone thought that im too stress. including her.
yes. im stress. but not only that..
actually is what she said that hurt me.
the way she said make me feel that im useless. and i cannot make it.

then i realise.
im really very SLOW.
slow in processing.
slow in thinking.
slow in EVERYTHING!
HAIX~

i really feel like giving up eveything~
give up studying.
give up EVERYTHING!
i dont have any mood to do anything now.
actually from the start i dun feel like going school.
all the school stuff really make me super stress!
especially practical~

25072007 1830hr

2007-07-25T18:28:00.000+08:00

RANDOM POST

is it wrong to do so much things?
why is it that people who had done so much are always the one who are being left out?
i think what they want is not credits.
but to let people realise their presence.
is it so difficult?
is it because they are too quiet and others are noisy?
and what is the definition of noisy?
attract attention in front of others and become someone who is very 'fake'?

okay.
im not talking about anyone.
so please dun think who am i talking about. =x
this is just my thought(:

but seriously.
i really feel so left out sometime.
even when doing projects.
im sitting with them.
but they are discussing among themselves.
nobody tells me what are they doing.
until i asked.
and when i asked,
nobody answered me.
until i asked a few times.

and. among friends.
why am i always being the forgotten one?
i want to say something!
because of this. i had cried so so so so many times....
from secondary school until now??
and. till now. im still crying because of this. =x
OKAY.. im not saying ALL FRIENDS(:
so. dont say me!! hahaha.
they will only remember me when they need me.
or they cannot find anyone to help.
or they dont have anyone to go to.
or they dont want to talk to someone.
so sad right?
at least to me. haas.
dont ask me why i cry over this thing.
beacuse to me. this is not a small matter.
how will you feel when you have no friends?
or your friends only remember you when they need you?
not everyone will understand this.
i had been through this since secondary school.
and. till now. is still like that.
and so i tend to be more sensitive toward this issue.

seeing others playing and enjoying themselves in front of you.
is definitely not a happy thing.
and. is like not that im quiet. and i dont want to play with them.
is when they are playing. they totally forget about my presence,
forget that im with them.
even during my birthday.
yes. im happy that they want to celebrate my birthday with me.
but.. while they are shopping around. im behind them following them.
hoping that they will at least remember that we are out because of my birthday.
but. no. and. end up? im alone trying to control my tears from coming out. haix.
first year like that. second year also like that.
FOREVER~
and. not that i wan expensive present or something.
but. the present you gave me really make me feels...
the present you gave to ur friend is like 10times nicer?
hmm. i dunno.
till now. you are still like that.
think of me only when you cannot find anyone.

why is my life like that?
aaaargggggggghhhhh~~
then when you all go out.
there will be no me..
there is me only when nobody can go out with you?
till now. even in poly life.
i dont have a clique.
i dont really have anyone whom i can share my thoughts with.
cos. im inside a CLIQUE which is not mine. understand?
therefore, i will feel left out sometime.
im always the one helping them to take photos.
and always the one who will see and hear them talking among themselves.
and i will never know what are they talking about.
always the one hearing them asking want to go shopping?
and will never ask me.
and.....
even in cca.
sometime..
some people also make me feels that.

so yah. understand why am i so easy emo?
not that i want it.
is jus that maybe i have no security.
like last time i used to have this thinking that all my friends are making use of me.
after finish using me. they will put me aside.. im very bad hor? haix.

yeah~
super random~
haha.
but im just not good again.
dun worry~
im not crying(:

25072007 1040hr

2007-07-25T10:39:00.000+08:00

thankyou girls for the tags(:
i know you all are always there for me!

exams are coming very very soon.
mine is during study week.
2 papers only.
on the friday and saturday.
which mean i have 1week holiday (when others are having exams) before the start of my attachment.
yah. 1week. at least better than nothing(:

i still have lots of projects and presentations.
NS5 Intergraded assignment (report) due - 24 July (DONE)
nursing management role play - 30 July
Clinical Trial presentation - 1 Aug
NSL Practical Test - 2 Aug
FYP report due - 3 Aug
FYP presentation - 3 Aug
WPD presentation - 3 Aug
Clinical Trial report due - 8 Aug

all fall in the same week.
OMG..
which means i have a tight week.
and. i got freshies show mtg on the 30July.

aarrrrg!~
more time PLEASE! =x

24072007 1010hr

2007-07-24T10:02:00.000+08:00

back blogging again(:
was busy with my report.
and finally i had finished it yesterday!

D&D on Sunday was good!
though a bit messy here and there.
but can see everyone enjoyed(:
so. well done wenya and committee!
and those people who had helped out in D&D in one way or the other =)
and. of cos to those that had turned up(:
back to myself.
did i enjoyed?
i dont know.
my stomach was super pain.
and i didnt eat at all.
and. there is something which bother me a lot that day.
im sorry to say that. but this is what i think.

yah~
my stomach!
is pain again!
and this time.
with diarrhea.
can you please kill me?
IS AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!
is like because of the pain.
i neva eat my lunch and dinner for quite a few days le.
and im so hungry lar.
but i cant eat.
cos after eating.
i will start to feel the pain again!
and then to the toilet again.

my pract test next week!~~~
OMG.
is like so fast lar!!
you know i hate practical the most!
and the moment im being assessed,
i will be super nervous and forget everything im suppose to do.
and this time.
is like so many topics lar.
and i really dont know which one i will be tested.
please give me easy one~~!! (:
actually all not very easy lar. =x

Freshies' show meeting yesterday.
it was okay.
everyone was quite enthu about this camp(:

im like a tap.
you want me to turn on.
and i can start flowing. =x
cried for almost everything...
especially recently.
emotional me~

why are u like that recently?
one moment you dont want to talk to me.
one moment you keeps sticking to me.
dun allow me to talk to others.
not even standing close to them.
the way you talked to me is very scary also.
you know????

22July2007 0930hr

2007-07-22T09:27:00.000+08:00

NDP yesterday was okay only.
not say SUPER nice.
or is it i dont have the mood?
haha.
yesterday dont know why so many people looked so moody.
im one of them =x

D&D today~

19072007 2310hr

2007-07-19T23:02:00.000+08:00

RUIFANG!
no use crying when the person didnt even care about your feelings!
not even a hi or bye.

yes. am i stupid?
when am i going to wake up?

RUIFANG!
stop crying~!
PLEASE!!!

this feeling is so so so so terrible can?
when ur close friend suddenly stop talking to you.
is like cold and hot.
you wont know what will be happening next.
and you dun even know what happened.

and that's the reason..
to why i almost cry everyday.
i know im stupid.
but i cant control my tears.

i think a lot a lot.
but what am i thinking actually?
i really dont know.
im TIRED!

19072007 0050hr

2007-07-19T00:45:00.000+08:00

jus reached home.
haha.
super late.
was helping with the preparation of D&D stuff.
did some art today.
hahahaha.
was quite happy =x
though not that super nice.
LOL.
forbes's idea.
super tiring can.
it may look easy.

pics of it(:

hmm.
then help with the writing of names on the stars too(:

pic of cha pa lang gang's names(:

hahaha. though im super tired.
and i didnt have my lunch and dinner. =x
and my lesson starts at 8am tmr.
but...
im still happy to see the products we produced(:
good job everyone!
hahahaha... (:

17072007 2300hr

2007-07-17T22:54:00.000+08:00

YEP YEP YEP~
i want to go~~
Miss Tina called me today.
cannot go... :(
she scared i will be tired.
and..
im stupid enough to go and say.
orhz. then is okay lor. nvm..
-_-
STUPID ME~
and. she said that my attachment result is very weak.
and not to me can? she told somebody that.
how can she do this? OMG.
no choice. what can i do?
ruifang. dun be sad!
but but but...
is not easy to see ur close friends leaving Singapore for 10days.
and you are here in Singapore having attachment... :(

went to jp with jing and wenya..
but bought nothing again.
haha.

jiayou wenya!
dun stress too much(:
must sleep more k??
hee.

16072007 2100hr

2007-07-16T20:57:00.000+08:00

assignment. projects.
more and more coming NOW~
im starting to feel the stress...
reports, presentation....
OMG~
most of them due next week.
so got to chiong this week.
haha.

crying?
yes.. crying doesnt help to solve any problems,
but..
it will help one to feel better(:
and is true.
at least to me.
hahahaha.
but crying too much may not be a good thing also. =x

understanding one person is ready very difficult.

15072007 1300hr

2007-07-15T12:50:00.000+08:00

NDP yesterday was FUN(:
FIREWORKS was super NICE!
but.
im super tired. =x
hahaha.
im already super tired from the start.
feel like sleeping. eyes pain.
and.
i was bullied by some pri5 students.
they called me power ranger.
blue ranger.
and kept laughing.
im not the only one.
others also bullied by them.
they super BAD. =x
LOL.

MAKE-UP!~
yes. we were asked to make-up yesterday! -_-
is like so~~
opera lar.~!!
the lip-stick.. OMG.
RED~
no choice. they are all students.
next time.
must put on make-up ourselves.
but..
can i dun put?
i think they wont care.
at most. i jus put lip-gloss lor. =x

found out something yesterday.
and a lot of things came into my mind.
suddenly i feel so...
i dunno how to explain this feeling.
jus feel like crying. =x
today. i watched a show.
and the story is a bit similar.
haix.

14072007 1215hr

2007-07-14T12:11:00.000+08:00

NDP today.
yeah!
NE show~
hope is going to be FUN!
fireworks~
hahahahaa~

okay.
i need to go off now.
if not im going to be late again.
=x
hahaha.
will update again(:

12072007 2115hr

2007-07-12T21:05:00.000+08:00

thankyou everyone who are always there to listen and talk to me(:
though you all may not understand.
but at least you all takes your time to listen to me.
so i really appreciates it! =)

it seems like some people around me are also having some problems.
i hope they are going to be fine soon(:
cheerup!!
JIAYOU!!! :)

11072007 1015hr

2007-07-11T09:59:00.000+08:00

10July2007
went town with Emily, Wenya and Kokrui.
hahaha..
tried a lot of clothes.
is for D&D purpose.
but we bought nothing.
=x
so paisei lar.
but the rest said is okay.
so okay lor. =p

im still not very good.
it seems like not all cares about me.
got problems then find me.
no problems then never talk to me.
not even MSN~
what is this?
i shall not complain anymore.
no use complaining also (:

shall learn to be able to put down.
and be a HAPPY girl(:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHUXIAN!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHUHAO!!

yuanching sec.

2007-07-10T11:26:00.000+08:00

the old yuanching building is going to tear down soon~~
i miss that sch!!
the last time i went back was when i went to collect my cert?
hahaha.
is like 2years le..
:(
quite sad.
cos i really miss those days.
eating in canteen.
canteen foods.
classrooms.
field.
running round the big canal.
night study.
my friends.
my teachers.
1E2, 2E2, 3E2, 4E2....
EVERYTHING~

they are going to have new buildings.
tearing down the old ones.
i wan to go back before it tears down.
but i have no time :(

09072007 2200hr

2007-07-09T21:51:00.000+08:00

08072007
went bugis with Primers to have dinner with weiyuan.
people present: ruifang, wanyan, jiamin, forbes, hanxiang, chinhiang, kokrui, pauline, daniel, zulia, eric, szechuan, yujing, weiyuan.
had steamboat. (:
the aunties kept looking at us.
cos we got a lot of people.
and we stayed there like quite long.
and they are still people q-ing up.
they didnt even want to help us refilled the soup.
omg.
then end up we went off. =x
haas.

then after that.
we had a great time taking photos with weiyuan.
haas.

went to bugis junction, swensens after the photo session.
then ber and fenella joined us.
gave weiyuan a watch and a BIG balloon. PATRICK.
haha..
is so paisei can?
like a guy carrying a balloon. =x
LOL.
but i helped him carry until my house there lar.
hahahaha.

okay. then today. met emily for dinner.
haha.
wanted to find more people.
but they were all busy.
we took bus to bishan.
then train to bugis. =x
hahahha.

why do i feel so down recently?
and suddenly i just feel so lonely and left out.
even though they are still people who are there for me.
im very sorry if i were to show attitude to anyone.
but i really dont know what happened to me.

08072007 1140hr

2007-07-08T11:29:00.000+08:00

070707 Saturday

NDP.
everyone was having fun. (:
fireworks~ NICE! hee.

i dont know what happened to me.
just feel so lonely suddenly.
nobody understands me.
but. of course.
cos everyone are different.
and the problems are different.
that's why nobody will ever understand(:
hahaha.
rubbish.. =x

thankyou to those who had talked to me(:

06072007 2315hr

2007-07-06T22:58:00.000+08:00

went to west mall....
me, wai, jm, wy(:
talked with her like usual.
good or bad?
i dont know?
good as in we are talking.. of cos(:
bad.... as in.. hmm. like we are both acting nothing happened at all?
=x
i dunno....
but at least we started talking lar.

NDP tmr~
hope is going to be okay.
hahaha.
got fireworks???
PLEASE HAVE!! =x

sorry everyone.
i know i have been too attitude this few days. ):
i dunno why.
but.
i jus dun feel like talking lar.
especially to some ppl.
cos i dun understand them more and more......
so im really SORRY....
i will change. (:
TRY.
=x
haas.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BER(:

05072007 2140hr

2007-07-05T21:24:00.000+08:00

yeah~
went for my NSL lesson today at 8am.
then miss rahmani cancelled the 1-3pm class. =)
ended at 10am.
then break.
accompany them to eat.
then talked and talked.
and i decided not to go for 11am lecture. =x
so yah. most of us neva went for that lect.
went back to our block.
and sit down. and continue to talk. (:
then emily called.
she ended her class.
so i went to meet her.
then eat sushi and drink honey red tea with jelly wid her. LOL.
passed mel my tix.
then. me and emily sat at the stairs there.
chit-chatted. wahahha =x
suppose to go for bagpipe.
and meet wenya for dinner.
but i didnt. cos nobody to acc me in sch.
then quite tired. cos like if im alone?
hmmm....
im so GUILTY=x SORRY!!
wanted to go home.
then emily asked me to join her and her friend to orchard.
after thinking. i agreed. cos im going to be alone at home anyway.. =)

04072007 1415hr

2007-07-04T14:06:00.000+08:00

coughing and coughing.
but seriously.
im better(:
so dun worry about me.
but. my nose very pain and dry.
cos of all the blowing. =x
haas.

im tired!
physically and emotionally~
till now i still cannot solve my problems.
and seriously.
is there any problems?
or is it jus me thinking too much?
im so so so tired~~~!!

help me help me help me~!!!!!

03072007 1030hr

2007-07-03T22:18:00.000+08:00

yeah~
im officially SICK.
bad FLU.
feel like dying.
the feeling is so not nice can?
suddenly...
i regretted what i told my friends.
i very long neva sick le...
hope i faster sick.
and.....
here it comes..... =x

and is like first GE....
and now FLU.

went to see doc today.
and feel like killing myself can?
i went all the way to CLEMENTI polyclinic.
and guess what?
"due to overwhelming number of patients, the last quene number was given at 11.30am."
OMG lar..... and i reached there about 11.40am.. -_-

then. no choice. went back to jurong polyclinic.
take q number at about 12.30pm. and was told to go back to register at 1.30pm. -_-
HAIz....
is like..... wasting my time lar.
hmm. but no choice.. who asked me to be so budget.?

doc told me that my throat was very red.
bad sore throat.
bad running nose.
cough.
fever. 38.3degree.
then, she gave me 2days mc.

so... tmr i cannot go polyclinic again.
sorry FIONA!~
pangseh u again. haix..

how am i going to help people when i cannot even help myself?
recently.. im very very confused.
and i really dont know why.
a lot of things in my mind.
but. i dont know what am i actually thinking.
cos is like A LOT!~
thinking of my problems.
and at the same time. im worrying for others also.

i wan to go YEP~~~ ):

02072007 1215hr

2007-07-02T12:07:00.000+08:00

suddenly..
something came into my mind.
am i someone whom ppl cannot trust afterall?
why people around me seems to be like keeping things from me?
A tells B about her problem.....
and...
C tells D about his problem......
and....
so on..
hmm..
when i asked:
are u okay?
they will forever tell me im okay.
but when another person asked them..
they will tell them their problems....
and i really dont know why...
dont want me to worry for them?
dont trust me?
and. SERIOUSLY. i rather they will tell me, and to let me worry for them,
than to let me think that they dont trust me...
like suddenly all my friends are going to leave me soon...
i dunno how to describe this feeling.
but is really strong.
one by one.....
yesterday....
something happened.
but nobody can see that except me.
cos i think the problem lies on me?
and im really SORRY to hurt those people around me also.
im really confused.
sometimes.
i was thinking is it better if im alone?
and..
why is it when i need someone to be there for me.
like at least talk to me..
is like always so difficult?
again.
the problem is wid me.
and now.
i dunno who to trust and who not to trust..
nevermind if you all dont want to tell me ur problems.
anyway i already get use to this life.
since secondary sch.

and. yah.
IM SICK!
first, viral infection.
now, sorethroat and cough....
and im so FAN!!!!~
how am i going to recover like that?

i really dont know what to do..
why am i always so STUPID to be so EMO?

in tears.........

30062007 1020hr

2007-06-30T10:11:00.000+08:00

thur MC.
fri self-declared MC.
haha..
and....
i really got GE..
viral infection..
my stomach~
like how many times did i get this?
weak weak weak~~~

now.. i feel so uncomfortable.
especially after my dinner ytd.
cos my mama go and buy rice for me.
yeah.. YES. is R-I-C-E, RICE!!
and i cannot dun eat right?
cos like nothing to eat le.
so i ate the rice..
and really feel so nausea lar.
and my stomach...
omg..
discomfort~
i wanted to vomit out. but cant.
no matter what i did.
it still cant come out. =x
i think cos of the medicine..

anyway... i passed my NSL.
borderline again. =x
but nvm. happy that i passed my paper. (:

and and...
the lecturer in-charge changed our polyclinic from bukit merah to bedok.
then fiona sent me a sms..
saying that another group had finished.......... -_-
so the lecturer suggested us to go in pairs instead of 3s.
so me and fiona will be going outram polyclinic.
hope we can faster finish our collection!!
cos i really dun wan to waste any of our time ):

recently there are some things which make me really sad.
i dont know what happened to us.
and. i really dont know what happened to you.
you dun wan to tell me. and the way u talked to me really make me feel
soo sadd.
did i do anything wrong?
can u pls tell mE!~~~

28062007 1300hr

2007-06-28T12:50:00.000+08:00

ytd.. my stomach SUPER pain!
and i dunno what happened lar.
GE??
hope not sia..
and ytd wanted to go wenya's and weiting's D&D mtg..
i did went..
but i neva listened to the whole mtg.
cos my stomach super pain.
and i VOMITED..
so...
im so SORRY!!!
sorry that that i kept walking out of the mtg table. =x

and today.. i neva go for NSL lesson and lecture..
anyway rahmani on MC too.. and we are asked to go another class...
i decided not to go. since im having stomachache also..
and i vomited 3times?
after my breakfast. -_-
HAIx..
everyone asking me to see doc..
but i dun feel like lehz..
HOW?
and thankyou to those who offered to acc me to see doc(:
i appreciated it! but dun need lar. haha. i will go myself if there is a need(:
so dun worry about me! =)

25062007 2310hr

2007-06-25T23:04:00.000+08:00

okay.. think i passed all my papers (:
not sure for NSL. though she did said that everyone passed.
but im still worry..
though i passed all..
but all borderline. =x
HAIX...
LOWEST in class?
i think so...
but no use comparing right?
hee.. nvm. i passed i happy liao =)

I miss WAI~~ =x
hope she is fine(:
but she did msg me that she is fine...
but she said is very tired..
so hope she can make it all the way!!
JIAYOU JIAYOU!! =)

can the time be slower..?
ok. i know cannot...
but..... i still hope lar..
cos......
the days with my friends are getting lesser and lesser now..
especially PRIMERS..... =(
im so going to miss them a lot lar!!
*sad*
and and...
im worry for my FYP...
HELP!!!~~~~~~

24June2007 1315hr

2007-06-24T13:07:00.000+08:00

yeah~
yesterday jus finished our full dress NDP rehearsal.
haha. all of us looked so funny with our costumes.
but quite cute lar. haha..
the FIREWORK was SUPER NICE!!! =))

and... ytd. im still not feeling very good..
but at least it was better.
my head was spinning. DIZZY~~

and hmm. im so gan dong yesterday..
cos my bros made me sandwich.. =)
thankyou!!!
cos they know im not feeling well...
thankyou thankyou thankyou!!!
and im sorry that when u all need help i cannot help lar. =x

AND~~~~
WAI is leaving for bmt TMR!!!
so fast lar!!! OMG~
im going to miss her. =x
HOW?
ok. i know we seldom meet..
but at least we still get to talk in msn...
but nw? cannot le. must wait until she book out.
and and and.. tml sch re-opening....
so FAST~~~~~
i haven even enjoy lor. not even GSS lar.. =x
haha.. ok. enough of complaining.............. (:

22062007 2200hr

2007-06-22T21:53:00.000+08:00

arrrrggh! what happen to me??
irregular heartbeat and tight chest.
not the first time im having this..
am i going to have some big illness or something?

im so uncomfortable NOW!!!!
my chest feel so tight...
and my heartbeat..
OMG... HOW?

HELppppp!!

22062007 0100hr

2007-06-22T00:53:00.000+08:00

BACK from night cycling (:
it was ok.
was sitting at the back of the lorry with Eugenie.
and i tell u. is not as fun as u think.
cos......
the wind is so SUPER strong lar. especially if u drive super fast..
strong until u can hardly breathe..
is TRUE.
and it will make ur hair so smelly and entangled.
and ur whole body will feel sticky also.
lucky got Eugenie, i must say.
cos she is there to entertain me.
and we talked and talked. (:
hee..
ohyah. and the driver was ERIC!
he and his 3months liscence. =x
haha.. but well done!
no accident... =x
LOL..

great JOB to everyone!! especially the Night Cycling Committees!! =)
WELL DONE!!

problems, problems and more problems!!
not only mine.
but also friends around me..
i really want to help.
but i cannot.
seeing them so helpless and sad,
and there is nothing i can do,
make me really SAD!
haix..
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!
GO AWAY!! all the problems!!

20 June 2007 0055hr

2007-06-20T00:47:00.000+08:00

im back from steamboat...
went marina with primers ppl for steamboat.
wendy, forbes, hanxiang, emily, sharon, fen, diana, bob, kokrui, ber.
then, when we leaving, tiancai came. haha.

tiring, but fun (:
and i got gastric pain after eating.
and i dunno y.. =x
anyway im ok now=)
thankyou everyone for ur concern (:
hee...

NIGHT CYCLING tml........ eerr.. i mean today(WED).. since is already midnight.. =x
sianx. dun feel like going. =x
but i MUST go...
cos i cannot be so irresponsible.. (:
since im like the only medic they can find other than Eugiene..
first time working with Eugiene.. hahahaha...
hope it will be fun (:
and hope all will go smoothly!!!! =))
JIAYOU everyone!! especially the NIGHT CYCLING team..!!~ =)

19 June 2007, 1220hr

2007-06-19T00:14:00.000+08:00

aaaarrrrhhhhggg!!!!~~
ok. sorry. but im super fan again..
y must i always be like that?
aiyo.. stupid me...
recently got a lot a lot of problems.
i dunno how to solve it.
so i chose to ignore it.
but im not trying to hide away from the problems.
i jus dunno how to face and solve it.
ok. shall not talk about it here anymore.

and. PLEASE im INNOCENT! (:
so.. can everything stop NOW??
i really dun wan to have so many misunderstandings.. :(

anyway. got back my 2 results. i passed my NURM and CT.. (:
happy. of cos.. cos i thought i will fail my papers. =x

ok... shall end here.
please pray hard for me.. that...
EVERYTHING will be over SOON!!! (:

10 JUNE 2007, 0955

2007-06-10T09:53:00.000+08:00

yeah! my common test is over!!
ok. i know i will did badly for all my papers. =(
but. no use thinking. is already over. what can i do?
the only thing i can do is to work harder for my exams.

yesterday NDP rehearsal was so super funny.
we got our costumes. i look so super stupid and funny wearing that. LOL
we are suppose to be there for ppl to take photos with. hahaha..
and also dunno what. jus have to wait for another few more rehearsals to know what am i suppose to do too.

ok. im tired and lazy to continue. =x
shall continue again(:
...................................

4 June 2007, Monday, 1940pm

2007-06-04T19:40:00.000+08:00

im like so......!!
i dunno how to describe this feeling.
but i think i will fail. but i also got the feeling that i may at least get a pass?
i memorise everything.
and yes. it did came out.
but......
she only wants 2-3points from each one. ><
haix.
then some i really dun understand the qns.
MCQ! 2marks each lar!
OMG.
im so dead!
u know what she dared to say when we asked her what if we fail?
she said: nvm lar. is only 20%. got re-test also. ><
okie. FINE!
nvm.. is over now..
im going to work harder for other papers (:

4 June 2007, MONDAY, 11am

2007-06-04T10:58:00.000+08:00

is MONDAY!!
is 11am now!
2 and half more hours will be the start of my common test!!
CLINICAL TRIAL!
OMG!
ok. i can say that i did memorise most of the things.
but.
i dunno will i still remember during the test. =x
but nvm. i only hope that i can at least get a pass for this paper(:
PLEASE!

ok. for now, i will end my post.
will update about my paper when i come back=)

JIAYOU EVERYONE!
JIAYOU OHRUIFANG! (:

SUNDAY 03 JUNE 2007

2007-06-03T12:30:00.001+08:00

tml is MONDAY! means COMMON TEST is coming!
first paper: Clinical trial
second paper: NSL 3.1 theory paper
third paper: NS5
fourth paper: nursing management
LAST: NSL PRACTICAL! [THURSDAY]

i really dunno how. STRESS! especially clinical trial and practical.
clinical trial..... there are so many things to remember lar! Principles of GCP, Belmont report, etc.
OMG!! words and more words......
then practical.. different lecturer teached different thing. -_-
so who to follow?
finally.. i decided to follow my own lecturer.
and shall not influence by other lecturer.
if anything went wrong, at least i can say my lecturer taught us de. =x

ok. i know im not suppose to be here blogging and complaining, but....
i jus feel like coming here.. =)

my cousin will be getting married TODAY!
which means. i gt wedding dinner today.
im happy in a way. cos it has been a long time since i attended a wedding dinner. =x
but tml i gt paper.. HOW?
but is afternoon paper.
should i go or not?
my mama asked me to go...
dunno..
shall see how...
though i feel like going lar.. =x

ok. jus continue my mugging.. (:
jiayou everyone!! =)

OHYAH!! before i end my post....
I want to wish my T1, WAI, a HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! =)
may all ur wishes come true!!

2007-06-01T00:01:00.000+08:00

holiday today!
went to study with Fiona and Bei.
wanted to go esplanade library.
but. it was closed. -_-
so end up we went oustide esplanade and found one table and chairs to sit down.
since the shop haven open yet. so we jus dun care and sat down there for about 4hrs.
until one of the staffs came and 'chase' us. LOL.. cos they starting their business. (:
then we walked around.
dunno where to go.
finally we went to suntec again. and went to this shop to eat.
ate green curry chicken with rice.
then sun bian study. study a lot. (:
thanx to them.. going thru the steps for the NSL skills wid me..
super funny. and tiring.
we studied until like 9plus or 10? the time really passed super fast while we were studying. -_-

haix. while going thru, i realised i really got a lot that i dun understand. cried. cos im too stress. and im really super worry lar.! dunno who is my tester also.. PLEASE LET ME PASS!! and my Clinical Trial.. i hope it wont be so difficult lar.! jus at least give me a pass PLEASE! =)

2007-05-30T17:16:00.001+08:00

BACK from Polyclinic =)

as expected. we dun have any surveys today. -_-
haix. u know what? if we cannot hit 35surveys,
we need to go back polyclinic during our holiday also.!!
and is everyday lar!
and until now we only gt 2 pathetic surveys! how are we going to survive?
and now then i know that other polyclinics who started on the same day as us had more that 6 surveys already!! omg..
if our polyclinic still so quiet, they are going to change us to another polyclinic..
then i was like super angry.. if they want to change, should have change now lar..
then we dun need to waste our precious time doing nothing in the polyclinic!! =(

ok! im trying very hard now to start my study process..!!
RUIFANG!! STUDY!! =)

2007-05-29T23:25:00.000+08:00

Im back to blog again =)
second post of the day..

as usual, slept jus now.. instead of studying.. -_-
and i had a very horrible dream.. shall not talk about it here.

why am i still not studying??
PLEASE motivate me! :(

STUDY STUDY STUDY!!!

2007-05-29T15:30:00.000+08:00

OK!
i super long neva update my blog already. SORRY!

hmm.. ex-co retreat jus ended last Sunday.
should i say is FUN? haha. actually..
is quite fun.. especially the first night and the last day =)

ehz. actually im not supposed to be there lar. since is ex-co retreat.. =x
but.. im invited.. so i jus go lor.. hee. =)
hmm.. everyone was asked to write the strengths of other ppl( ex-co members),
but they included me also.. =)

i was quite surprised of what others think about me=)
thankyou so much for all the comments! im really touched! till i cried in front all of them=x
okie. i know im too emo.. hee..

im so so so tired! and stress.. YES.. im SUPER STRESS!! how?
i started to worry for my FYP now.. haix..
when are we going to finish our surveys??
and. common tests is next week.. and i regretted skipping NSL lesson yesterday. =x
cos my lecturer went thru. all the skills which will be likely to be coming out for our practical test. but. nvm.. i will still try to study myself (:

hmm.. dunno why. but i suddenly feel so... i dunno how to describe this feeling.. =x
but.. i really want to thanx all my frens who have been there for me, or at least listen or talk to me, trying to entertain me during all these while.. =) THANKYOU!!

and lastly! GOOD LUCK to all who are having common tests! =)

OHRUIFANG!! stop dreaming!! start studying now!!!!!!!..............

tired

2007-04-29T11:07:00.000+08:00

im super tired!
everything!
jus feel like doing nothing the whole day..
slack slack and more slack!
no more projects,
no more assignment,
no more everything!
HOW I WISH!...~

why am i being left out everytime?
or maybe.......

new blogskin

2007-04-23T16:30:00.000+08:00

changed new blogskin=) mickey!

sick~

2007-04-23T14:34:00.000+08:00

i feel so super uncomfortable now!!!
NAUSEA!!! VOMITTED 2times!!
i jus eaten.. and i still feel nausea..
im trying very hard to control..
so that i will not vomit out everything again -_-
i know a bit digusting.. LOL... =x

i dunno why..
but i jus feel so super tired of everything!!
i jus feel invisible sometimes..
and i really agree of what my friend told me..
"friends come and go" is hard to find a true friend..
im not saying all my friends ignored me or something...
most of them are nice ppl=)
i think is my fault or something?... -_-
is it because im too quiet.. that's why not many ppl like to talk to me?
or is it am i too fake or irritating.. that's why not many ppl like to talk to me?
i REALLY dunno!!
i jus feel so frustrated over this issue.....
and my studies.. haix.. i really hope time will be slower!!
i dun wan PRCP!! i dun wan final exams!!
am i thinking too much?
i think so! ):

and now.. im finally sick.. think is because i think too much.. -_-
i cannot concentrate during class. feel super sleepy everyday..
feel like crying sometimes.. and....... many more..
depression? stress? i really dunno...

Primers' Orientation Camp is on the 4, 5, 6th MAY 2007!
Im Welfare and Food IC!
actually i knew that i will be welfare IC.. since no medic le.. -_-
but i really dun wan to be MEDIC!! anyone knows?
im not MEDIC trained!!! and i dun have a cert!!!
what if somebody is in danger becos of me? i can be charged!! =x
is it because im not capable of being a mentor or even a GL?
must i always be their MEDIC?
.................................

HAPPY BIRTHDAY WANYAN!! =))

stress........

2007-04-14T22:45:00.000+08:00

finally finish my attachment!!! (: ward61 was nice! all the staff are friendly and willing to teach... even the cleaners are nice!(: hee... good good... Doctors...... hmm.. i think Taufiq is the best.. =x wahahaha!!!... got one HO(house officer) is like so super attitude!! shouted at the patient.. when the patient is already shivering like dunno what.. -_- .. then the patient told me that the doctor cannot make it sia... so fierce.. shout at me.. wahahaha.. =x
but... overall i enjoyed this posting... =)

Monday!!! sch is going to start so soooonnnnn!!....... and im getting so stress now... how how how?

haix.. we got this final year project.. and we need to go outram polyclinic to do what CAD data collection every wed(2pm-4pm), fri(8am-12pm) and SAT(8am-12pm)!!

YES! is SAT!! my NDP training how? OMG lar!! im so dead now.. and yes.. project is impt... but i dun wan to give up going NDP too.. how? HAIX!!!!........ :(

and i start feeling stress when i start thinking about my PRCP!! is like 4more months only!! so fassssstttttt lar!! and my PRCP is 6months!! how do i survive? and im like so slow and blur can? i cannot believe myself working as a staff nurse!!.. :( and i think i will fail!! =x

HELP ME PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HELP ME PLEASE!!!!!!

2007-04-08T16:24:00.000+08:00

went to Jolin's concert ytd with Karen=)

not bad... her overall performance was nice.. but the sound system................ hmm.. nth to say.. haha.. still as bad.. =x our seats were ok too.. a bit far.. but can see quite clearly! hahaha... (:

then after that, i went to Karen's sister house to stay overnight.. haha.. Jeron was so cute(:
he saw me.. and was like keep 'sticking' to me le.. 'jiejie' LOL.. and he is super nice.. he offered everything he can find.. haha.. apple juice, his toys, his pillow.. Laughs!! and he kissed my cheek.. =x next time free. go visit him again.. hahaha...

Sianx

2007-04-07T09:18:00.000+08:00

hmm... Jus finished my KKH Ward34 attachment.. overall is a nice one(: the staffs and patients are all very nice and friendly.. and of cos the babies are all so cute!! hahaha... and ohyAh!!..
there was this cleaner.. she super attitude... i was washing my hands.. then she was like: " dun wash ur hand here.. paper finishing... everytime wash ur hand... nothing to do ar.?? neva attend the patients, also wash ur hand........................." she kept scolding me for nothing.. -_- but i didnt care lar.. cos is her fault... i washed hand for hygiene and infection purpose.. and that's what i learnt in sch(:

there are also some unhappy issue... but i wont write here(: hee.. but NVM!! is ending in one week's time..!! =))

Primers will be celebrating Easter's Day today.. too bad i cannot attend... meeting Karen((:
we are going Jolin's concert tonight!!... hope is nice... dun waste my money!!!.... =x
wahahahha... ((=

IMH posting

2007-03-31T22:36:00.000+08:00

Sorry for the SUPER Late-ness of posting.. =) hee..

Jus finished my IMH posting.. overall.. is a good one =) hee.

and now.. im still missing all of them!! hope they can recover well and go home=)

they are all so nice to us.. haha.. though they may be scary sometimes.. but still we became best friends in the end (; haas.

i am still thinking whether to go IMH after i graduate...? *ponders*
this time im quite lucky, as all the clients are independent, friendly, nice.. and not all very violent.. but if i were to work there.. im sure i will get someone who is violent some days.. haas. can i take it? =x

next two weeks, im going KKH... hope is a nice one too =)

SOMETHING TO SHARE: Happy Nurse = HAPPINESS (:
(p.s: this came from two of my clients.. haas.)

19..

2007-01-27T09:22:00.000+08:00

IM 19!!! OMG!! so fast! last yr of teens~~~ im 20 next year!

from last yr till now, there are a lot of things happened... the most unforgettable one is knowing my mum had to go for op. but is over!! everything is fine now=) and now.. my parents have an aqaurium shop.. haha.. can't believe sia.... hee=)) and for myself... i think i have grown up quite a bit.. at least i know how to protect myself and not letting ppl to bully me. =D everyone said i have change.. haha.. and i agree lar.. ! like what shuxian said.. from a quiet and shy girl to a girl who has my own stand.. =) and i realised i gt a lot of nice frens ard me=) thanks to them!!! =DD

i think i got the most happy bdae this yr! =) thanks to all my friends for the presents and the wishes.... and also helping me to celebrate=)

22/1/07 Monday
went PS with YiPing.. she treated me mango cake from Secret Recipe=)
then, i met karen and sohhua.. to vivo city.. my first time there.. =x LOL.. they treated me food from White Dog Cafe.. =)

24/1/07 Wednesday
went kbox with bei, fiona, June, Yiting and Litang=)) haha.. enjoyed myself.. =)

25/1/07 Thursday
went for class outing with Angeline.. haha.. she brought her son alone=)
we went Marina Square.. Swensens.. got free ice-cream for bdae month!! hahha=))
after our dinner, the waiter asked whether we wan the ice-cream to be served, then wan bdae song? my class all said YES!!
OMG!! so PAiSei!! hmm.. then after that, four ppl came to me, including 2managers, 1 waiter and 1 waitress... carrying 2 ice-creams.. you know why 2? haha.. cos at first we told them 2 ppl bdae this month.. =x but then. they still gave us lar.. wahhahaha!! anyway they make liao mah.. dun waste.. haha.. then after that.. both ice-creams in front of me.. and they started singing bdae song!! =)) so paisei.. =))

26/1/07 Friday
MY BIRTHDAY!!! =)) went out with bei, Alyssa, LiHsien, HuiTeng and Shane.. =) went to Sakae Sushi at Harbourfront... then after dinner.... went to vivo city.. then bei said she need to buy sth first.. asked us to go first.. after a while, alyssa also gone. haha.. she went to look for bei... then left the four of us.. we went to view the sea.. haha.. then they talked to me... then after that... "HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY.........." OMG!! haha.. another surprise =)) thank YOU!!!! HEE =D

Thank you those who have wished me=) :
Karen. Soh Hua, Bei, Hsien, Wai, Emily, Zulia, Rily, Wei Yuan, Wan Yan, Pei Jun, SzeChi, Hui Zhi, Ai Li, Alyssa, Delphine, Fenella, Aishah, YiPing, ShuXian, Fiona, YiTing, LiTang, Nigel, Ber, Angelia, Hui Nee, Cui Ting, Max....

tired....

2007-01-21T13:16:00.000+08:00

back to update=))

19/1/07 (FRI)
went to help out for open house.. nothing much to do.. help grp6 ppl to tend booth while they having tutorial.. haha.. then after that.. went to eat.. nothing much left. only 3different kinds of beehoon-_- and hotdog buns. AND... milo which taste like glass jelly-_-

then at night, went for Primers overnight event, makansutra.. tiring. haha.. but, fun... 'SUPER FUN!!' =x haha... im being bullied by jiehao and gang-_- keep on emphasizing on my crumpler bag.. :
1) we can leave our bag inside the bus, but i carried my bag everywhere i go, then they will say
because is crumpler bag, that's y i carried around is it, cos i scare lost.. -_- whatever.. haha.. not i scare lost.. is jus that, i like to carry bag ard mah... even if it is not crumpler, i will still carry...

2) we went to the a shop, then cannot carry bag inside.. need to leave outside.. then they said, your bag so ex, you put outside, not worried ar??? OMG!! then i start laughing...

3) i was trying to sleep in the bus, then jiehao started to talk about crumpler bag again... -_-

then i was like can you stop talking about my bag?? you also have mah.. then he said: yours nicer mah... haix... cannot tahan them.. -_-

then that Max.. keep on calling me librarian... then what after i sianx of being a nurse,, can go be librarian... -_-

they kept talking about me throughout the night... but ok lar. hahha.. without them, i will be super boring.. so i wan to THANK them!! =)) for entertaining me=) hee..

20/1/07
went out for fc meeting.. met joycelyn.. haha.. lucky got her.. if not i will be alone.. knew her last SHE event.. she is a nice girl=) haha.. though this is only the second time i met her, but i feel like we know each other quite long le.. haha.. got out fc shirts.. and concert tix.. row12, seat16.. i know quite far back. but nvm lar. =)) haha.. can see them can le=) and yah.. 28/1 gt their concert cd/dvd autograph session.. Perline asked us to reach as early as possible.. me and Joycelyn discussed, and decided to reach at 9 at first.. but perline said can earlier?? then we were like.. hmm.. wait! we discussed again.. lol.. we super funny lar.. then we finally decided to make it at 7am.. which is like super early lar..!! cos the day before gt concert mah. then sure reach home late de.. hahah.. but nvm lar.. once in while... haas. =)
and.. feilunhai is having their autograph session on the 28/1 also.. 6pm at imm.. SHE is 3pm at J8.. wanted to go for FLH's with jiamin and yujing.. but jiamin said dunno can i make it or not.. i also worry lar.. cos need to travel also.. so jiamin think of a way.. which is to ask wenya to help me get it sign=x.. haha.. but dunno lar.. haven confirm.. haha.. cos dunno yujing and wenya can or not.. so fun!! haha.. cos i now then know they like them also.. LOL=) is after that huayang, i started to like feilunhai also.. =x but nvm lar. haha.. they same company mah.. wahahha.. =))))

maybe meeting karen and sohhua tml=) for my bdae.. sorry!! actually they wanted to meet me on my bdae de.. but so qiao.. bei also asked me out on that day... and Zuila.. sorry to her also! haha.. paisei.. i dunno y. suddenly every1 asked me out on fri... -_-

5more days to 19...=)

Np open hOUse

2007-01-18T21:33:00.000+08:00

hmm.. went for duty for the passion booth...~~ tiring. hahha.. cos me and emily dunno what to do.. we were like standing there for about 3hours. DOING NOTHING!! except for talking a few sentences to a few grp of ppl about PASSION SYNERGY! haha.. but can see those ppl enjoyed the small games we got at our booth=)) we were both super boring lar!! and SLEEPY! haaas..

when we were standing there, waiting for something to do, a gal came to us... asking us to fill up LIME lucky draw form.. hahaha. she said she wants to clear the prizes. haha.. so we write lor.. then end up we cannot find the lucky draw box!! LOL>. then, we decided to give up.. haha.. after that, there were two girls from Leo club, at our booth also lar, haha.. they leaving, so emily asked them to help us find the lucky draw box.. lOL> and they helped us win something!!! wahahha..!! free E2Max Membership card (valid for 1 yr).. hahhaha.. and landyard.. thank you to both of them! !=)) haha.. though i dun think i will be using lar.. haha.. and we need to collect the card before 28feb.. haha..

at about 1 sth, wanyan came to look for us.. =)) haha.. and we left that place.. and went for lunch.. cos i need to meet yiping they all for discussion for the debate.. hahha.. then super funny lar!! three of us were like trying to look for wai.. hahha.. cos she dun wan to let us find her.. and she neva tell us where is she.. -_- after a while, we gave up =x LOL.. and went for lunch.... then i went back to meet yiping they all..

haha.. our debate.. not bad.. i think our grp did quite well! =) well done!! haha.. though i a bit blur lar.. cos i nth to say le.. LOL.. my grp members had said everything.. yah.... we LOSE!! haha.. all the audiences think should tell.. -_- that's y.. LOL.. but nvm.. the marks for our grp and bei's grp is like only 3 marks diff.. =)) and FINALLY is OVER!! hee... =D

AAAAARGGG!! that JOn!! me and ping need to go back sch to help out for Open House. i mean i dun mind helping lar! BUT.....-_-.. cos jus now. i was waiting for wai mah... then ping was waiting for her fren.. then we were like slacking in one of the aap room... then JON came in.. after that MAry came in.. HE was like Mary!! you see the both of them nothing to do.. you sld give them sth to do! then ping was like: GOT THINGS TO DO MEHZ??? LOL... then MAry heard.. and she shouted: nothing to do?? i thought i announce to the yr2 students during lecture?? u all neva attend my lecture is it?? OMG!! haha.. we were like shocked!! but actually we know abt it lar.. that time we did went for the lecture.. and we wanted to sign up de... but we saw need wear uniform so we decided no to help mah. =x wahhaha.. then before she walked away.. she said: tml must come and help.. -_-...
and that's it.. haha.. we need to help.. and we are helping to make waffles.. LOL.. =) hope is easy lar.. haas...

OHYAH!! today.. me and ping had done a stupid thing.. LOL.. we went to the convention to take the goodie bag-_- ok lar.. is not very stupid.. haha. cos i know sure gt a lot of ppl do this thing.. =x hahha.. but the funniest thing is what we did to get out goodie bags! haha.. when we reached there.. we saw karen, felicia they all.. LOL>> they were trying to take the goodie bag also.. but end up.. muhaimin's fren caught him.. hahha.. -_- dotx lar.. haha.. if is fren.. then should give mah.. haha... after that me and ping went to another side of the BOOTH. hope that they will give us.. but we stand there abt a min.. they dun care about us-_- then we decided to go in the convention.. and walked ard.. after a while, we went out again.. then i saw every1 holding brochures!! and i thought of one way!!! wahahhaha.... i told ping to go back.. and take brochures.. then we will look more like sec students =x and yah.. we TRIED!! and we went back to the goodie bag booth again.. ping was like: hmm.. can we have that bag? the person: which grp are u all in??
wahahha.. i was shocked!!! LOL.. GROUP?? what group? OMG!! how how how?? then ping very fast. haha.. she said: hmm.. we are from outside.. -_- then that girl gave us the goodie bags!! LOL>> i know a bit lame lar.. haha... but super funny lar.. hahha.. cannot believe we actually did such thing.. lOL>.

ok!! haha.. i shall end my grandmother's story.. LOL..
8more days to 19=)

lalalallala

2007-01-17T22:58:00.000+08:00

i super super super long neva update le.. haha.. cos im too busy with my projects, assignment, and of cos im a bit lazy also lar.. =x LOL

attachment over.. with Miss MAry. still ok=) she taught us a lot of things.. though she sometimes a bit fierce lar.. =x lOL. haha.. manage to take a pic with my cute boy=)) wahahahha.. he super cute lar!!

hmm.. NP open house starting tml.. 18-20JAn.... 11am to 7pm.. i will be at atrium almost the full day. haas. win liao.. helping passion to tend booth.. -_- lucky gt Emily to acc me, if not i dnno how. haix..

and tml!! i gt ELAHA debate session!! omg.. haha.. my topic: a girl and a guy getting married. the guy went for HIV check, he was HIV positive. but, he decided not to tell her, and continue with the marriage. NOW, the best is, my grp is oppostion, which mean, we have to agree of not telling the girl..!! which is like not possoble lar! haha.. but no choice, still have to debate.. we will sure lose, but i jus hope that we wont lose until so badly.. =x hahhaa.. hope i wont be so nervous until i laugh and laugh, and say nth.. LOL!!

hmm.. im super tired!! but i dunno why, every night i cannot slp. and when i slp, is time for me to wake up for sch. haix.. everyday 2-3 hrs of slp, or at most 4hrs.. omg lar..!! how can i survive? if i continue to be like this??

9more days to 19=)) getting older........... =x LOL

...

2006-12-15T20:57:00.000+08:00

im still sick... best...

haix.. 6days le.. and im still having fever.. how?

the best best best thing.. is the MO from NUH.. can you believe she actually said these to me??
"you come here also take the same medicine." and "unless you still gt fever for next two days, then you come back.. but i think it wont happen.. "

OMG LAR!! she actually said these.... she thought i wan go see her mehz.. waste my money... 70bucks leh... haix.... what it wont happen.. now it happen le. HOW??? then i asked her why my fever wont subside after eating so many panadol.. she said: "i only know you gt throat infection, i cannot find any other problem le..."

WHERE gt this kind of MEDICAL OFFICER de?????

ok.. enough of complain...

hmm.. i miss my little Bernice sia.. she super cute lar!!!!!!!! but too bad.. i sick for so many days. she discharged le.. haix.. ohyah.. others had already finish their attachment today.. but i still gt to do one more week.. cos i MCs 5days le.. no choice...

sick sick sick

2006-12-13T21:00:00.000+08:00

HAIX!!! IM SICK AGAIN!! now worse.. high fever.. already 4days le.. i 3days neva go attachment. then now mus make-up for 5days. haix.. what if tml i still gt fever??? hopefully i will be fine tml.. if not i think i will have to make-up 2 weeks sia.. that mean. no holiday for me.. sianx...

hmm...

2006-12-09T21:47:00.000+08:00

my results out~~ not very good.. 2 Ds and 1 B... omg lar.. haix.. but maybe i sick lar.. haix. then no mood to study and do the paper also.. =x at least i passed! but got to work harder for my final. =)

attachment~ hmm. at first i super tired and dun feel like going.. first day was like super sianx. NOTHING TO DO! slack around like security guard walking around. lol.. but after that. ok lar. not bad. at least got some things to do.. admissions, update I/O chart, do hourly para.. answer call bells. haha. then talk to the kids=) working there is good. but seeing the kids and babies there is like super sad... haix.. shall not talk about it here.. since is like confidential. hee=)

ohyah!! SGB is over=) overall.. our results is good! better than last yr? hmm.. haha.. thanx to those who came to help us from internal collection to delivery! =) whether is it donation, planning, or doing collection and delivery. without u all, all these wont be able to happen!! (: AND!!! i also wan to thanx those who put aeroplane=) though u all neva come as promise, but u let us see that everyone have team spirit.. though our numbers is small, but everyone work hand in hand to make everything possible, and do everything in time.. =)

while writing this, im watching Hana Kimi esp3.. haas. =) nice nice nice=) ok. i shall stop here now. go watch my show. hee..

is over=)

2006-11-29T22:52:00.000+08:00

yeahhhh!! my common tests is OVER!!! wahahhahha!!
though i worry for my results, still i finally can rest a while.. =)

花樣少年少女 is super nice=) hahahha.. i seldom say a show nice. so u mus believe me!! is really nice!! hee=) now only can watch until esp2.. cos watch from youtube.. esp3 faster come out!!!! =)

should i go.. or should i not? haha.. i question myself since ytd whether to go see doc or not. but end up i overslept. and i neva go=) lol.. but anyway no pain le.. =)

this sat is SGB external collection. then is overnight packing. then sunday, delivery... after that, Mon is my ATTACHMENT!!! KKH!! omg.. they super strict lehz.. how? hope 2weeks can faster over. =x

sick

2006-11-28T22:04:00.000+08:00

sianx... guess what? im sick again?!?!? omg lar. is like i jus recover not very long ago... and is common test now~~ tml is my last paper.. =) and i haven really started. jus read through only.. =x watched ella's new show jus now.. from youtube. esp1 only.. super nice and funny lar!!! hahhaha.. but too bad. can only watch until esp1 and i mus wait dunno until when can watch esp2.

last Saturday was the SGB Publicity day. everything was smooth except in the morning. cos a lot of volunteers put aeroplanes. then we need to shuffle the groupings. im very sorry. cos i did not do. is done by gou and alex. THANK YOU! other then that. everything was good. though little ppl, but all of us manage to finish everything on time=)

THANK YOU TO THOSE WHO CAME DOWN TO HELP!!!! (:

hmm.. dunno y. this few days. i really dun feel like talking to everyone. all the bad thoughts are coming.. WHY??? someone please help me.. sorry if i treat u coldly=) i don't did it on purpose. but sometime i really dun understand. why everyone can find someone who can clique with him/her, but i cannot? finding a friend who i can really talk to is really very difficult.... i have been searching for so many yrs le, since primary 1. =x what does true friend mean? and what does good friend mean? i really dunno.. am i so difficult to clique with? hmm.....

hmm..

2006-11-21T21:18:00.000+08:00

OPENING was yesterday. quite messy, and not very organised. a lot of things were done last minute. but like what Sharon said. Team work was seen. so is that good or bad? haha.. i dunno..

i was so so so sorry yesterday.. i know i was very fierce... =x but i did not did it on purpose. cos i saw everything so last minute. and so many ppl asked me different questions, which i dunno.. then i gt practical test today. then got headache. then my ear super super super pain lar!! haix. so a bit irritated! IM VERY SORRY to those i had shouted to or talked very rude-ly to!!!!!!

as what i said. i gt my practical test today.. not Miss Sara but Miss Lock=) hmm.. super nervous.. im the first.. forgot what steps is for which nerves. haha.. feel like crying in the end.. then i asked Miss Lock whether i got fail or not. then she said no. i did quite well.. =) hope so lor. haix.. then she asked me to stay to be patient. haha.. i smell so many times of pepper, coffee and tea. =x omg lar.. haha... ok.. not bad.. overall all of us did well=) except the fact that we really have to read up our 12 cranial nerves again.!! wahahaha..

ok.. lastly.. i really wan to thanx T1 lar!!! =)) thank you for helping me!!!!! =)) though i dun really know what happen. but thanx for helping to talk back! =D hee..

SGB

2006-11-20T07:51:00.000+08:00

TODAY IS THE DAY!!!!!!!!!!!! hope everything gonna be fine!! =)

last sat went to see doc FINALLY!! haha.. hmm.. nothing actually. my ear block lor.. then must wash.. need to put this olive oil insaide my ear for 2weeks. then after that go back polyclinic again to let the doc wash...

DUN EVER DIG UR EAR!! if not you will end up like me!! haha.. =)

tml is my NSL pract!! and is Miss Sara!! omg.. hope i wont fail!! pls give me at least a pass!!!! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!!

still pain..

2006-11-17T22:00:00.000+08:00

my ear still pain. today like a bit worse. =x die. i think i really better go see doctor safer.. hmm..

3 more days to opening of SGB.. 4 more days to my NSL practical test.. SIANX!!

oh yah.. gt back my hp bill.. weird. 20.67bucks only!!! i thought it will be super EX lar. haha.. then my msg also neva exceed 1000msg. wahahha.. weird weird weird!! but nvm!! haha.. good!! =)

pain pain pain

2006-11-16T23:34:00.000+08:00

haix.. dunno why. my ear still PAIN!! WHY?

OMG! SGB coming in 4 days time. haha.. super fast. cannot imagine what will happen that day. but think it will be good! =)

common test and attachment coming!!! hope all will go on smoothly!!

why? -super long post

2006-11-11T22:41:00.000+08:00

still remember when i was young, i love to go my grandparents' house to stay. because gt my aunties and of cos my grandparents to play with me.. even after i grow up, they still loves me a lot. and though i know my grandfather gt another woman outside, but i dun care, cos he still loves all of us. BUT. everything changed after THAT WOMAN came to live in the HOUSE... LISTEN! is CHANGE!! BIG CHANGE!!

HAIX.

i think my grandmother really poor thing. and she was really a NICE person. but too bad she had already gone to a far far far far place. I REALLY miss her a lot!! she knew that my grandfather gt woman outside. but she neva complains or anything. she kept everything to herself. every morning, my grandpa will go to the house and during night time, he will sure go back to that STUPID woman house. instead of living with my grandma. haix.

TODAY. we wanted to go back and see my grandpa. and as usual, we cant get to see him. you know why? because everytime when we go, that woman will lock themselves inside the bedroom until we go home.. stupid right? i really dunno y she dun let us see our grandpa... haix.
if we 7pm go home then they will come out at 7pm and eat... if not they will not come out.. not even going to the toilet. -_-

actually i know my grandpa wants to see and talk to us de. but he CANNOT. because he is being controlled by THAT woman!! SHE teachs my grandpa all sorts of stuffs. like what to said to us.. how to act poor thing. haix.. WHAT IS THIS?? like today.. as usual. they hide lar.. but this time they hide downstair. then they kept on calling up lar. ask my small aunty whether we gone back already or not.. called dunno HOW MANY times lar. SUPER irritating!!! then gt one time my fourth aunty went to pick up. and talked to my grandpa.. they started shouting at each other. haix. then my grandpa wanted to talk to my small aunty. my fourth aunty dun allow. then she hanged the phone. aftera while, my grandpa came up..... and........

ALL OF THEM STARTED SHOUTING AT EACH OTHER!!!!!! first time i hear my grandpa shout! my mum and aunties talked nicely to him. but you know what he shouted? "TIAM TIAM LAR!!!"(in Hokkhien) then banged the table... scold vulgar.. shouted: " slap me lar!!"

Tell him that woman very bad. wan him go die. he dun believe. say we wan him to die!!!!!??!?!?!? then tell him that woman ask my small aunty to jump down building and die. he also dun believe. then tell him. we gt ppl tell ask that that woman scold him at the street until he shiver. he said: '' YOU HEARD FROM WHO??" see? means it's true lar.. then he say no such thing. haix.. BUT IS TRUE!! then everytime we asked him why he is so protective against the woman?? then he told us that woman gave him money for sth.. but after that we found out that he took money from my uncle then said is that woman give him de.. haix...

OMG!! this time i really cannot stand le.. i ran out of the house. and wanted to go home. while waiting for my bus. i saw my grandpa. this is when i realise my grandpa really become super thin... and he really walked like liang po po (if u know who..) haix. sometime i think he very poor thing. but after what he did today. i really wan to question myself. is he worth to be caring for? he made everyone of us in the house cried. and my bro nearly fainted..

WHY everytime when he gt nothing to fight for. he will say that the woman give him money??? WHY he becomes like this?? WHY WHY WHY?? because of money? because of that woman?? what did the woman do to him that until he like dunno us anymore?? and he dun loves us anymore..

the worse thing is because of that woman. he can break off relationship with his own brother!?!?!? whose is his favourite brother last time.. SEE?? and now. he wants to break off realtionship with all of us.. say what wan release on the newspapers that he will be breaking relationship wid all of us!!! WHAT IS THIS??

called and called.. then chased us out.. asked us to go home immediately... said he wants to sleep already. WHAT THE....... they can always come up and sleep even if we haven go home!!!!! is their problem lor.. they dun wan to come up still ask us go home.. he even ask us not to come next time.. haix...

HE IS NOT MY GRANDPA ANYMORE!! my old grandpa had died...

still remember everytime when i watch drama. like those ppl who had third party. i always thought that it will only happen in the drama. but now i know that it also happen in real life!

NPYLD

2006-11-09T21:57:00.000+08:00

went to National Primary Young Leaders' Day today. Im in admin department- registration and help desk.. haha.. the students all super cute lar!!!! miss those days when i was also like them.. hee.. they so young lar, but they already know about love.. haha.. "You like her, right??" then what: "she likes him, but he likes another girl.." wahahhaha. see?? they very pro de. so young, but speak like adults le.. haas.

if only if i can be like them, no problems. everyday so happy, dun need to think so much. why so many things must happen at the same time? am i the only person left in this world?? y is it always mus be me?? gt qns also ask me.. do i really look like "Help Desk"?? haha..

y ppl like to promise another person something when they cannot do it? can u all PLEASE dun promise me anything and end up neva do it? PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!! haix. the worse one is this:

1) want meet me go shopping before the mtg, end up i waited for 2 hours. called her, she neva switched on her phone. msg her, she neva reply. after waited for about 1 hours sth, she then msg and said: "Sorry! i very tired, so i slept. then neva go out." haix.. then i alone, nth to do.. so i SAT at the busttop and wait for the time to pass and go for the mtg.

WHY MUST IT BE ME???? make me happy then disappoint me again and again...

and. i finally gt back my phone after sooo LONG!!! =) i think they helped me updated it?? haha.. though outer is 6280, but inside is 6288 de. =xdunno. but it really seem to be a bit difference.. hee.. actually want to eat with peijun they all de. but end up i no mood lar.. because of some things. including the np open house thing.. though not my fault. and i dunno i worry for what.. =x Im sorry if i show black face to you all jus now. did not did it on purpose.. =) end up i bought OLD CHANG KEE(did i spell correctly?) lol.

11more days to opening of SGB internal collection.
12more days to NSL practical test.
16more days to SGB publicity day.
18more days to COMMON TEST.
23more days to SGB collection day.
24more days to SGB delivery day.
25more days to my ATTACHMENT.

getting nearer and nearer...

2006-11-06T22:23:00.000+08:00

haha. i gt test tml. but i neva study. haix. dunno y i dun have the mood to study. getting lazier and lazier.. =x

had psychology class today. Thomas wants us to come out wid one habit.. i said rubbing my nose.. which is true. dunno y recently i like to rub my nose so much... we had to keep track of how many times we did all those things and observe lar. hahha.. i think i will forget about it. =x this activity is for BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. is it true that we can really change? i dunno. haha.. i will try out and tell u.. =)

SGB is coming real soon.... haix.. i super worry lar. hope everything is going to be fine and run smoothly!!!=) finally meet my manpower sub-comm. haha. after so long. we had done the booth schedule le.. but i dunno can or not.. =x hope can.. hee.. now im worry for my grouping during the publicity, collection and delivery day.. cos most of the clubs haven confirm the namelist wid me yet. haix. and i also dunno how many freshies from our side are helping and who are they..

14more days to opening of SGB internal collection.
15more days to NSL practical test.
19more days to SGB publicity day.
21more days to COMMON TEST.
26more days to SGB collection day.
27more days to SGB delivery day.
28more days to my ATTACHMENT.

siAnz

2006-11-05T21:35:00.000+08:00

back again.

why good ppl always are the ones left out? and those bad ppl are those who everytime benefits????????????????????????????

now.

who can i believe? you? you? or you?

but i know there are still ppl who i can still talk to.. THANK YOU to all of you.. hope u all wont do anything bad to me.. PLEASE!!! because i BELIEVE in YOU! =)

anyway. did recee on fri night wid alex. super tired lar. after my lesson.. then walk around for 2hours. and finish counting 38blocks. =)

then sat, went for newspaper collection in the morning. again. wo zhuo hao ren. cos 1 group gt 4ppl. then at least mus have a guy inside one grp. i know fenella, diana and emily wan to be tgt. so i come out lor.. then end up. i wid kelvin and khairul. MEAN. my grp only gt me and the two of them. actually gt pam de. end up she neva come. BEST. 3 of us gt 4blocks to cover. i very sorry lar. haha. cos i neva really did much.. most of them is they do de. =x cos actually i cannot heavy stuff.. and i too tired. no strength. so SORRY!!! after the collection, i accompany peijun go recee again=)

hmm.. week6 coming. mean SGB, my NSL practical coming also.... and week7.. my common test. week8.. my attachment(KKh posting)..

15more days to opening of SGB internal collection.
16more days to NSL practical test.
20more days to SGB publicity day.
22more days to COMMON TEST.
27more days to SGB collection day.
28more days to SGB delivery day.
29more days to my ATTACHMENT.

OH yah!! my handphone!! is like 11days le. i still haven get back my phone..
I WANT my phone back PLEASE!!!!!!!!!